Welcome! I hope to share with you my experiences as honestly as possible. I guarantee there will be a constant lack of perfection in my writing style – especially in regards to grammar and sentence structure. Oh, and vocabulary will be questionable at times. Why do I state this? I taught high school English for 20 years. Or, in an attempt to put others at ease (why do they assume I’m judging their grammar?), “I was a fucking English teacher.” Vulgar? Yes. Honest? Yup. Too much so at times. But that’s me. I write like I talk which will vary as much as my limited attention span changes. Stream of consciousness? More like a tsunami of thoughts, ideas, emotions, reactions… which hopefully won’t scare too many away.
(I ask for your patience as I continue to develop all aspects of this page/site/what-have-you. I’m so new to this that it’s a bit embarrassing. Okay, a lot embarrassing.)
Today’s image is my favorite quote. I used it often to inspire students, but when my ex told me he wanted a divorce it became my mantra. Months later on what would have been our anniversary, I went away for the weekend to revisit the place we were married. (Hmmm. Note to self – is this one of my first moments of emotional masochism?) My purpose was to reclaim this very special place for myself, to begin grieving the happy memories it once held.
Visiting one of my favorite shops, I looked for a piece of jewelry that I could use to fill the now empty space on my left ring finger. What I found has become far more precious than I realized at the time. A simple sterling band with “to thine own self be true” engraved on the outside surface. Somehow, I knew it needed its own special place. Since I had a habit of writing essential reminders on the pad of skin below the thumb on my left hand, instinctively I knew the ring had to be worn on my left thumb. There it would have a place of importance as a daily reminder of what should be my constant focus.
The smooth shiny surface has been scratched and worn. When my hands are cold it slips off my finger. I’ve lost it a couple of times. I’ve found it a couple of times. In the heat and humidity of summer, it sticks to my skin and irritates to the point of having to take it off. But it is quickly returned to its place because I’ve come to depend on its gentle constant reminder of who I have been, who I am and who I will be.
As with all support systems, I tend to forget about it until I need it. During extremely difficult times, I go to it for support and comfort by rubbing the ring and spinning it around my thumb. I read over the words, say them to myself and reflect on what they mean to me. How ironic that the 453 year old words spoken by the verbose, meddlesome and self-serving Polonius should now help suppress the demeaning noises inside my head and heart.
As I strive to be true to myself I have discovered new truths about who I am as a woman, mother, partner and friend. Relationships are new. Experiences are new. Goals are new. I’ll share more as I go along. Hope you’ll keep me company!
Warning: Prone to shenanigans and malarky. If you lack wit and humor, you may not enjoy yourself here.
HisCelticbg1807 